Blog | Ask Them About Suicide: spotting the signs
5th January 2023
By Professor Rory O’Connor
“If you’re worried they’re thinking about suicide, please ask them about suicide.”
That’s the simple message behind SAMH’s new suicide prevention campaign. For some, that might strike a chord immediately. Perhaps there’s someone in your life who you know hasn’t been themselves lately, and you want to ask them if they’ve been feeling suicidal but don’t know what to say, or how to follow up that conversation. If that’s you, the campaign hub at www.samh.org.uk/ask is a good place to visit to find practical guides and information to help you have that discussion.
However, you might also be wondering, how would I know when to ask the question?
In my book, ‘When it is darkest: Why people die by suicide and what we can do to prevent it’ I try to address this by debunking some myths around suicide and highlighting some of the warning signs that someone may be thinking about suicide. I’ve been working in the field of suicide prevention for over 25 years, have spoken to countless people impacted by suicide, and conducted lots of research studies; and from these experiences I know there’s no simple way to tell if someone is thinking about suicide but that there are warning signs we can look out for. Sadly, though, too often these warning signs are identified in retrospect, when it is too late. So, in this blog I’ve outlined some of these warning signs so we know when to ask about suicide. Remember, though, that asking about suicide will not put the idea in someone’s head; but it could be the start of a life-saving conversation.
It can help to think of the warning signs as situational or behavioural – in other words, is there something going on in the person’s life which might mean that they’re at a higher risk of having thoughts of suicide; or is the person behaving in a way that suggests they’re more vulnerable at the moment?
The following is in no way an exhaustive list, and remember these are just some things to look out for – many people in these situations or showing these behaviours will not be struggling with thoughts of suicide – but they could be; that’s why it is important to check in with them if you’re concerned.
Situational:
- Suffering a bereavement, especially if it is by suicide
- Having a mental health problem or illness
- Breakdown or loss of an important relationship
- Financial issues, loss of a job, or facing unemployment
- Victim of bullying, abuse, or neglect
- Loneliness or isolation.
Behavioural:
- Talking about feeling worthless, trapped, or that they can’t see a way out.
- Significant change in appetite, which might lead to weight loss or gain
- Disturbed sleeping pattern – either sleeping too much or too little, and seeming drowsy a lot of the time
- Lack of interest in what is happening around them, particularly in the things they’ve enjoyed previously
- Isolating themselves from others
- Self-neglect, for example taking less interest in personal hygiene, or engaging in riskier behaviours
- Alcohol or drug misuse, especially at unsociable times
If you recognise any of these in someone in your life, please do trust your gut and ask them if they are having thoughts of suicide.
It’s important to remember that thinking about suicide is quite common, and that most people who have thoughts of suicide do not go on to take their own life. Also, suicidal thoughts are not permanent, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time, they will and do pass.
Asking the question is by no means easy, and it’s normal to feel anxious about doing so, but you could be giving them the permission they need to open up to you. So, please do reach out if you are worried about someone, it could save a life.
Visit www.samh.org.uk/ask to find out more about the Ask Them About Suicide campaign, and to access information and resources.
Rory O’Connor is a Professor of Health Psychology at the University of Glasgow where he leads the Suicidal Behaviour Research Laboratory. He is a world leader on suicide research and prevention, and recently published his book ‘When it is darkest: Why people die by suicide and what we can do to prevent it’.
