Blog | It wasn’t chance that brought me to the profession

“For many, January evokes thoughts of fresh starts and new beginnings; yet the reality of cold, dark days and a return to routine can prove quite different.

“This is why it’s as important as ever that we make the time to check in on our own and our loved ones’ mental health. It can feel like a scary thing to do but, believe me, talking really can make a huge difference.

“SAMH’s new suicide prevention campaign, Ask Them About Suicide, aims to empower people to do just that – to ask anyone they’re worried about if they’re thinking about suicide. There’s no denying this is a big question, but using the word could be exactly what’s needed to encourage that person to open up.

“As part of the SAMH suicide prevention team, encouraging people to open up about suicide is something I strive to do – and it wasn’t chance that brought me to the profession.

“I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was a teenager, and in an attempt to cope, I turned to self-harm and disordered eating. Anxiety was “the devil I knew” – until a rather heartbreaking diagnosis of clinical depression when I was 20, which is really when I felt everything come crashing down.

“At the time, I was studying on scholarship at one of the UK’s top music conservatoires, which had always been a dream of mine. But mental health problems do not discriminate and, although I was “living the dream”, I was utterly miserable and found myself experiencing suicidal thoughts daily. It was distressingly difficult to keep going.

“Luckily, I was fortunate that someone at the conservatoire noticed something was wrong and took the time to ask me how I was. I opened up to them, and they were able to support me to access psychotherapy and start on medication.

“My experiences ultimately led to a very tough decision to leave the conservatoire and, instead, study psychology. I think many are drawn to psychology in pursuit of answers, only to find themselves with more questions.

“I had a strong desire to understand how people can come to find themselves in such dark places, and a hope that I may be able to help prevent others from feeling as terrified and alone as I once did.

“For nearly six years, I worked as a peer worker in self-harm services, using my own lived experiences to support others. Part of this role was to deliver self-harm awareness training, and later safeTALK – a suicide alertness course which I still give today.

“I soon realised that, while I could relate to aspects of others’ stories, every individual has unique experiences and reasons for contemplating taking their own life. I recognised the importance of not having a stereotyped image of what a suicidal person looks or sounds like.

“We are never alone, and I think that if we only spoke about suicide more, this would be better realised and felt by those struggling

“Sadly, since working in the field I have lost both a client and a friend to suicide. I’ve found suicide loss to bring about a unique kind of emotional pain, with grief compounded by unanswerable questions and a belief that we should have somehow been able to prevent that person from taking their life.

“We are never alone, and I think that if we only spoke about suicide more, this would be better realised and felt by those struggling. Taking that first step to talk about your thoughts and feelings can be daunting and requires real courage. Many struggle to recognise that they would benefit from a little help, or feel that they aren’t worthy of the support.

“Now, more than ever, I think it’s crucial that we look out for one another.

“I don’t know where I would be without that staff member at the conservatoire inviting me into his office, showing an interest and offering compassion. Something so simple can genuinely make the world of difference – and trust me when I say that you do not need to be a trained therapist or have all the answers to start that conversation.”

If you would like further support with asking others about suicide, or would like to learn more about our campaign, visit our 'Ask Them About Suicide' web hub.